Conspiracy Theories

Here are a couple of Conspiracy Theories that are currently in my 'development department.'

Theory #1 is more of a 'classic curse' actually. And I think that while it is unknown to the general public it is probably already in effect. It's not quite the level of the Curse of the Bambino or Billy Goat, but if you're a Minnesota Vikings fan, it is just as painful to watch. I'm still working on a name, but for now I'll refer to it as the "Curse of the Randyno" or maybe the "Curse of the Randy Goat."

Randy Moss left the Minnesota Vikings after the 2004 season. In 13 games that year he had 49 catches for 767 yards and 13 touchdowns. (He also had one 'fake-mooning' of Green Bay fans for those of you checking stats at home.) It was a down year for him, but 13 touchdowns in 13 games is nothing to poo-poo about. In 2005 Travis Taylor "led" the team with 50 catches for 604 yards and 4 TDs. The leader in 2006 was also Taylor, who hauled in 57 catches, 651 yards, and 3 touchdowns. Finally, this past season Bobby Wade "led" the way with 54 catches, 647 yards, and 3 touchdowns.

So for the 05, 06, & 07 seasons the three leading receivers for the Vikings combined for 10 touchdowns. Three less than Moss scored in one injury shortened season. The Vikings have had no one at the wide receiver position since Moss left. I believe it is because he pronounced a curse on the way out. How else do you explain Daunte Culpepper's career changing injury the next season? In fact, Moss must have cursed all things pass related, because since he's left the Vikings' only bright spots have been running the ball and stopping the run. They can't pass and they can't stop the pass. Let's just hope this particular curse doesn't last several decades. That would be ugly.

Theory #2 is not mine. Bill Simmons has popularized the Ewing Theory, (named after former Knick player Patrick Ewing). You can read his column on the Theory here, it is actually a pretty wholesome article for Simmons. The two imperative pieces of this theory are: 1) a star athlete who receives an inordinate amount of media attention and fan interest even though his team never wins anything substantial with him. And 2) That same athlete leaves his team and both the media and fans immediately write off the team for the following season.

The most recent and best example of the Ewing Theory is the NY Giants winning the Superbowl the year after Tiki Barber retired. Barber qualifies for both factors listed above. He even called out the Giants for various reasons. And then? They won it all. In fact, Simmons is petitioning that the theory be renamed the 'Tiki' Theory.

I'm hoping that the Ewing/Tiki theory will apply to the 2008 Minnesota Twins. They had two star athletes leave during the offseason. (Torii Hunter to the Angels and Johan Santana to the Twins.) Both Hunter and Santana received quite a bit of media attention, (definitely inordinate for anyone in Minnesota). Also, in Hunter's 11 seasons, (with Santana pitching 8 of those years), the Twins advanced to the Championship series only once, in 2002. They lost that series 4 - 1 to the Angels (Hunter's new team ironically). Also, while most people think the Twins will fare better than the Royals this year, no one has them competing with the likes of Detroit and Cleveland in the AL Central. Personally, I think they have a shot, and I'm placing all my hope on the Ewing/Tiki Theory. Who knows, maybe in 10 months we'll be naming it the Hunter/Santana Theory.

One example of the this theory not coming true is Kevin Garnett leaving the Timberwolves and going to Boston. The Wolves are as bad as ever. How about the Minnesota crowd cheering for Garnett when the Celtics visited last week? Has there ever been a player more loved by a team's fan base? Maybe. Has any team taken that player and shipped them away? Probably not.

So here's to the Randyno Goat Curse and the Ewing/Tiki/Hunter/Santana Theory. May the former be broken quickly and the latter prove truer than ever.